ESC 2022 – Grand Final!
Hello Dear Readers!
Here we are for the Grand Final! Beautiful Turin plays our host. Need some context? Here are ESC 2022 – Updated Write-ups. As a reminder, here is the running order:
-
Czech Republic: Lights Off performed by: We Are Domi
-
Romania: Llámame performed by: WRS
-
Portugal: Saudade, Saudade performed by: MARO
-
Finland: Jezebel performed by: The Rasmus
-
Switzerland: Boys Do Cry performed by: Marius Bear
-
France: Fulenn performed by: Alvan & Ahez
-
Norway: Give That Wolf a Banana performed by: Subwoolfer
-
Armenia: Snap performed by: Rosa Linn
-
Italy: Brividi performed by: Mahmood & Blanco
-
Spain: SloMo performed by: Chanel
-
Netherlands: De Diepte performed by: S10
-
Ukraine: Stefania performed by: Kalush Orchestra
-
Germany: Rockstars performed by: Malik Harris
-
Lithuania: Sentimentai performed by: Monika Liu
-
Azerbaijan: Fade to Black performed by: Nadir Rustamli
-
Belgium: Miss You performed by: Jérémie Makiese
-
Greece: Die Together performed by: Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord
-
Iceland: Með Hækkandi Sól performed by: Systur
-
Moldova: Trenulețul performed by: Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers
-
Sweden: Hold Me Closer performed by: Cornelia Jakobs
-
Australia: Not The Same performed by: Sheldon Riley
-
United Kingdom: SPACE MAN performed by: Sam Ryder
-
Poland: River performed by: Ochman
-
Serbia: In Corpore Sano performed by: Konstrakta
-
Estonia: Hope performed by: Stefan
Also as reminder, I predicted Spain to win tonight! With the rest of the Top Ten being:
Ukraine, Sweden, UK, Greece, Norway, Poland, Netherlands Serbia, Australia
Let’s see if this holds up after the performances.
Opening Act:
I’ve said this many, many times. At Eurovision, we have nearly 2000 entries (maybe more at this point), there’s never need to bring in any non-ESC songs. They should have had Hallelujah here. Additionally, Laura shouldn’t be opening the show. She should stay at the Interval Act. Måneskin should have opening with a reprise of ZITTI E BUONI and whatever song(s) they want to promote.
Now the flag parade. It’s fine, I guess.
The hosts are dressed are fine, I guess. Laura’s jacket is insane.
HERE WE GO!!!!!
Czech Republic
A fantastic choice to open the show. It’s great energy and not a threat for victory. Her vocals seem a bit off, but still, overall, decent. Oh! She hit the big note there.
Romania
The crowd has gotten involved. Not necessarily an indication of anything other than the crowd likes him. But, wow, this is 100x better than the semi-final performance (and that was a good performance!). So, so good. May get up to 15th or 14th.
Portugal
You can tell that she’s enjoying the moment. It almost feels like she knows that she won’t win and won’t be on this kind of stage again, so she’s just taking it all in. She shouldn’t be smiling so broadly with such a sad song. But, it was well-performed, but forgettable coming before Finland.
Finland
WOW! This is a 1000x times better than the semi-final performance. He sounds better and the band feels much more engaged. I still think that this will be 11-14th, but much more deserved than I previously thought.
Switzerland
This is lovely. And he sounds great. But it’s… forgettable. My friend had a good point. This is in the same vein as Portugal 2017. But, where that sounded like something from the 1940s, this sounds like a modern impersonation of a 1940s ballad. That’s why this will fail where that succeeded. But, we’re glad to have it here in the Contest.
France
This is the worst I ever heard this performed. They all sound… off. Supposedly, they were off from the backing track at the jury rehearsal, and that may have been shook their confidence. His eyes are still deeply gorgeous, though.
Norway
This is the most human they have ever sounded. And that’s not necessarily a good thing. This proved why it was a winner contender on Tuesday. Today…they proved why folks have only treated this as nothing more than a novelty.
Armenia
She doesn’t necessarily sound better than last time, but she has much more confidence. She’s selling this way more! I think it might do much better than one would have guessed.
Italy
They sound better than their previous performance, but… this is still so painful to listen to….and watch. What the heck is BLANCO wearing?!?! Just…not great. It will get a home crowd advantage but, just painful.
Spain
The sexy matador is back to show us why Spain is my winner pick. Flawless performance – the choreography, her vocals, the stage effects. Not to mention this is, by far, the strongest entry we’ve seen thus far tonight.
The Netherlands
I love the camerawork for this entry. She sounds so much than Tuesday night. This will have difficulty making a lasting impact after Spain, but she performed this wonderfully. I think a definite Top Ten.
Ukraine
This feels like they’re phoning it in. On Tuesday, this came out strong! Tonight, they are performing like they know they’ve already won. I am not impressed.
Germany
This was fine. Adequate but nothing special. Portugal should be happy, as Germany is now likely going to be in last.
Lithuania
Graham Norton reported his friend called this song “spooky disco” – which I would agree with and probably explains why I love it so much. I just wish that it ended with one more chorus. Not likely to do much, unfortunately.
Azerbaijan
His vocals are much better than Thursday. This song is still quite dull, but he should feel proud of his performance. The Turkish diaspora will support it past 20th place. Don’t know if it will do much more than that.
Belgium
His voice was fine. But the song is not great and kind of drones on. May tie with Germany at the bottom.
An advert break is generous, given the run of songs. I like these things and even I think this is a painfully drab run of songs.
Greece
She is suffering from this running order. Sure, it’s the strongest of this run, but it’s just lost in a line of ballads. What has happened to her? She missed that one note, and then all of a suddenly, she can’t hit any notes. She missed the landing on the big note. This may not even reach the Top Ten.
Iceland
This is coming off quite well. They sound and look great! I think this might even outperform stronger entries like Greece and Norway.
Moldova
They have much more energy tonight than on Tuesday. Then they seemed like tired old men, now they seem like the fun uncles! Not to mention that they will be benefiting from this running order, coming after all of these slow songs. Knocking on the door of the Top Ten.
Sweden
This is the worst I’ve heard this song performed. She sounds more hoarse than emotional. I mean, this is still amazing and can definitely still win, but, like usual, I think it will rely on the power of the juries, not sure the televote will be able to support it.
Australia
My goodness, his voice is STUNNING. Just, once of the best vocalist in the history of this Contest. I’m nearly in tears over the immensity of his talent. With that said, this song is boring and droning and self-important. This might win the jury, but expect the usual lack of support from the televote that Oz always deals with.
United Kingdom
He sounds like a male Ellie Goulding, but my golly he is nailing this. This could win, actually. That was…stunning. Even coming after Australia, this was fantastic. And the break afterwards gives the audience time to discuss how strong a performance this was. This may win this thing….
Poland
Yay! Our second American after Germany’s Malik Harris. He sounds great, as expected. But its such a dour, downer after the UK. The special effects also make it feel cheap. I think it will get to the Top Ten easily, but not sure if it will do much higher.
Serbia
That was great. A lot of fun. Exactly as it was supposed to be. I think it will coast to 7th or 8th place.
Estonia
My favorite song this year. I’m not sure it can get above 15th, but I do think he’s doing a great job. He looks so happy to be here and the crowd was so into it. It was also great to end this Contest with such a message of hope. Great, feel good song.
So, who were my favorite songs tonight?
10. Australia
9. Serbia
8. Portugal
7 Poland
6. Lithuania
5. Estonia
4. Iceland
3. Spain
2. The Netherlands
1. United Kingdom
Oh, look, it’s Måneskin still NOT singing their winning song. <<eye roll>>
BUT who do I think will be Top Ten?
Well…
With help from the juries: Sweden, Greece, and Australia
With televote support: Norway, Serbia, and Moldova
With combined support: The Netherlands
And who so I think can win?
I think it comes down to Ukraine (for obvious reasons), Spain (which is the most memorable entry from the first half), and the United Kingdom (who demonstrated why it was second in the booking odds). But who will win…
Spain
I just think it is too catchy, too bright, too strong, and too complete a package to stumble now. I’m sticking with my guns. Next year in Barcelona? Valencia? Malaga? …
Interval Act
Gigliola Cinquetti sounded great. In case you didn’t know, she was Italy’s first winner back in 1964 with Non Ho l’Età (the Contest’s longest song and part of the reason why the three minute rule was implemented). It remains a treasured part of ESC history.
Mika is fine. Still sounds great, even after all these years!
Jury Votes!
The Netherlands! 12 points to…..GREECE?!?! Huh???
San Marino: 12 points to….Spain!
North Macedonia: 12 points to…Spain! Has Macedonia ever given Spain points?
Malta: 12 points to Spain!
Ukraine: 12 points to…United Kingdom! First douze points in years!
Albania: 12 points to…Italy, our hosts
Estonia: 12 points to…Sweden!
UK in the lead! Let’s see where we go
Azerbaijan: 12 points to…UK!
Portugal: 12 points to…Spain, obviously
Germany: 12 points to…the UK!
Belgium: 12 points to…the UK!
Wow! The United Kingdom might be running away with the jury
Norway: I’ve never seen TIX look this normal. 12 points…GREECE?!?! That’s hugely unexpected
Israel: 12 points to…Sweden! Again, not too, too expected
Poland: 12 points to…Ukraine, completely to be expected
Greece: 12 points to…Azerbaijan! huh…
Moldova: 12 points to Ukraine! That’s not too surprising, but zero points to Romania is
Bulgaria: 12 points to…Greece!
Serbia: 12 points to…Azerbaijan! His jury show must have been great
Iceland: 12 points to…Sweden, no surprise there
Cyprus: 12 points to Greece, duh
Halfway through, UK is maintaining a lead of 27 points over Sweden and then Spain.
Latvia: 12 points to…Ukraine, not a surprise
Spain: 12 points to…Azerbaijan! Wow. Who would have thought that Spain would blank Portugal
Switzerland: 12 points to…Greece!
Denmark: 12 points to…Greece! Zero points to Norway
24 countries down, 16 to go. The United Kingdom is maintaining the lead. But now it is down to 19 points over Sweden
France: 12 points to…The United Kingdom! It’s been a long time since France has given the UK a douze points
Armenia: 12 points to…Spain! Zero for the UK
Montenegro: 12 points to…Serbia! Not a surprise, but Greece got nothing
Romania: 12 points to…Ukraine! Not surprising
Ireland: 12 points to…Spain! Unexpected, but nice
Slovenia: 12 points to…Italy! Not too surprising
Georgia: WHOA! Their 12 is not to Ukraine. They are to…The United Kingdom!
Croatia: 12 points to…Serbia! Not surprising
Lithuania: 12 points to…Ukraine! Not a surprise
Austria: 12 points to…The United Kingdom!
It is clear, I believe that the United Kingdom is unable to be caught, yes? The UK will win the jury
Finland: 12 points to…Sweden, duh
United Kingdom: 12 points to…Sweden! Still a 19 point lead, with Sweden still to give points
Sweden: 12 points to…Spain!
Australia: 12 points to…Spain!!!! Zero points to The UK?!?! The Aussies are the UK’s biggest contributors.
Czech Republic: 12 points to…the United Kingdom!
Italy: 12 points to…The Netherlands!! WOW! I was expecting Spain. So…zero points to Spain
Poor Germany…zero points….
And now…the other 50% of the points…The Televote!
In reverse order of the jury points…
Germany: 6 points!! No Null Points!
France: 8 points!!
Iceland: 10 points
Finland: 26 points
Romania: 53 points
Moldova: 239 points! Running order was a big help here
Czech Republic: 5 points
Lithuania: 93 points, more than expected, less than deserved
Norway: 146 points, WAAAYYY lower than anticipated
Armenia: 21 points
Estonia: 98 points
Poland: 105 points
Belgium: 5 points
Switzerland: 0 points, nice round of applause, though
Serbia: 225 points! Expected it to be big, but not this big – into the lead for now
Azerbaijan: 3 points
Australia: 2 points
The Netherland: 42 points
Italy: 110 points, more than it deserves but whatevs
Greece: 57 points, hurt by her performance and her running order spot
Portugal: 36 points, about what I expected
Ukraine: 439 points – so, this won the televote and has about a 350 point lead over the UK
Spain: 228 points
Sweden: 180 points, that’s it, I think, Ukraine wins
The United Kingdom: 183 points, good for the UK’s 16th second place in the history of the Contest
Sigh. Politics come into play. I am rather unhappy. But, a friend of mine had a good point, if anyone is angry with this result than they should blame Russia. Can’t say I fully agree with that statement, but the point is well-received. All of this to say: we have a winner – Ukraine. It won with a total of 631 points, the second highest amount achieved (second only to Portugal 2017) and the highest televote ever received. Only the fifth non-English language winner of the televote era (Israel 1998, Serbia 2007, Portugal 2017, Italy 2021). Spain’s best placing since 1995. My predictions were 80% accurate – with Portugal and Italy securing Top Ten spots (with The Netherlands finishing 11th and Australia in 15th). Very pleasantly surprised for Portugal! Happy to have predicted the top three, just needed to switch Ukraine and Spain in my predictions. Hosting should be interesting. I have always contended that if the winner cannot host, then a Big Five member should have to step in. With this mentality and these results, I imagine that the UK will be hosting somewhere next year (Glasgow, perhaps). Come back in the following weeks for my wrap-up to this year’s Contest. Until then, thank you so much for joining me on this ride! Happy Eurovision – goodnight!
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ESC 2022 – Previewing the Grand Final
Hello Dear Readers!
The Grand Final is upon us! I am so excited to see our twenty-five songs compete for the crystal trophy. Here are the ESC 2022 – Updated Write-ups in time for your parties and personal viewings.
Before we dive in, let’s look at the Big Five, who all automatically qualify for the Final. We got snippets of them during the two semi-finals but one had to go online to get the full three minutes. Here are my reviews of the Big Five “semi-final” performances.
Auto-Qualifiers
The United Kingdom
This sounded like he and the backing track were off from one another for the majority of the song. Also, the backing track seemed way too loud in proportion to his voice. The revamp with the guitar solo actually works here, as it breaks up the repetitive nature that is the last third of this song. Still a believer in this finishing Top Ten, but I do not think it gets anywhere close to winning.
Spain
Oh wow! This was even better than I was anticipating. Her voice is better than anticipated, the revamp is tremendous, the choreography is TIGHT! Definitely demonstrating why I think this can win.
Italy
This was so painful to watch. They sound terrible. They’re dressed terribly. The song just drags on and on. I cannot understand why this song will probably be in the top 15 if not higher. Just, not good, not good at all.
Germany
He definitely sells that song; it’s way better live than in the studio version. I also really like the staging – having the stage littered with these instruments of the past during these alleged “rock star years” that he’s singing about. Like Belgium, I think his performance elevated an average song. I don’t think it will do well, as my friend said, Germany accidentally ends up last just by virtue of being everyone’s 11th favorite song.
France
Putting aside the fact the song glorifies dancing with Satan, this was perfectly executed. They sound great. They look great. The staging translates well to the Turin stage. I can see this coming mid-table, 12-16th place.
Running Order
Our running order, per usual, was released early Friday morning.
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Czech Republic: Lights Off performed by: We Are Domi
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Romania: Llámame performed by: WRS
-
Portugal: Saudade, Saudade performed by: MARO
-
Finland: Jezebel performed by: The Rasmus
-
Switzerland: Boys Do Cry performed by: Marius Bear
-
France: Fulenn performed by: Alvan & Ahez
-
Norway: Give That Wolf a Banana performed by: Subwoolfer
-
Armenia: Snap performed by: Rosa Linn
-
Italy: Brividi performed by: Mahmood & Blanco
-
Spain: SloMo performed by: Chanel
-
Netherlands: De Diepte performed by: S10
-
Ukraine: Stefania performed by: Kalush Orchestra
-
Germany: Rockstars performed by: Malik Harris
-
Lithuania: Sentimentai performed by: Monika Liu
-
Azerbaijan: Fade to Black performed by: Nadir Rustamli
-
Belgium: Miss You performed by: Jérémie Makiese
-
Greece: Die Together performed by: Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord
-
Iceland: Með Hækkandi Sól performed by: Systur
-
Moldova: Trenulețul performed by: Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers
-
Sweden: Hold Me Closer performed by: Cornelia Jakobs
-
Australia: Not The Same performed by: Sheldon Riley
-
United Kingdom: SPACE MAN performed by: Sam Ryder
-
Poland: River performed by: Ochman
-
Serbia: In Corpore Sano performed by: Konstrakta
-
Estonia: Hope performed by: Stefan
Unsurprisingly, Romania is slotted into second; it is the weakest slower song in the first half. This position certainly does not bid well for its chances. France is in a tough spot, between heartfelt Switzerland and zany Norway. Even with a flawless performance, I’m not sure that France will be able to stand out in a positive way. Conversely, Norway is set up for success being surrounded by much weaker entries.
It doesn’t make much sense to have Spain, Netherlands, Ukraine all in a row. These are all big bookies favorites; they’ll only detract from one another. Ukraine is buried coming after two of its primary competitors. This is usually where an advert break is placed, which is also not much help.
Sweden is also pretty hurt by this placement, coming right after the madness that is Moldova. Australia is probably the most hurt by this running order, being thrown between two top betting odds songs that are much more interesting and attention grabbing. My hypothesis is that Australia is only getting points from the jury, so its placement does not matter too much. It’s also an interesting choice to put Estonia last (as opposed to Moldova). My friend guessed that it’s due to Estonia song being called Hope and its last line is “I hope, I hope.”
Predictions
After seeing all 25 performances during the semi-finals. Taking into account the songs that progressed and the running order. How do I think things will shake out at the Grand Final?
Bottom of the Scoreboard
I always hate doing this prediction. But it’s a competition and someone has to come last.
I think Belgium will be last place finisher. He’s an excellent singer, but the song just is not very interesting. It was probably one of the biggest surprise qualifiers and will lose the jury support that likely got it here to better songs. Furthermore, its placement in the center of (what will be for many casual fans) the very dull run of Germany, Lithuania, Azerbaijan, Belgium, Greece, Iceland, remembering that it will likely not even have an advert break to provide a change of pace, means Belgium will be swallowed up in the most forgettable part of the show for the majority of the voting public.
Joining Belgium at the bottom (places 18-24), I think we will see: (in order of their appearance in the running order)
Romania, Portugal, Armenia, Germany, Lithuania, Iceland, Estonia
Mid-Table
The middle of the pact is always hard to predict. Ultimately, these will simply be the songs that I think will make it out of the bottom, but fail to achieve Top Ten for a variety of reasons. For places 11-17, I am predicting: (in order of their appearance in the running order)
Czech Republic, Finland, Switzerland, Italy, France, Azerbaijan, Moldova
Top Ten
So, this leaves my prediction for the Top Ten, this includes the heavy hitters, jury favorites, televote toppers, and – of course – my predicted winner.
Spots 4-10 will be occupied by the countries that finished first-third with the jury and the televote (as they normally do), potentially with the jury winner or the televote winner being among them. 
In these spots, I predict: (in order of their appearance in the running order)
Norway, The Netherlands, Greece, Australia, The United Kingdom, Poland, Serbia
With Australia and the Netherlands being strong contenders for jury champion and Norway being a strong contender for topping the televote.
But – who do I think can win?
Ultimately, it will come down to Sweden, Spain, and Ukraine.
It has been trendy to pick Ukraine for months now. It has the sympathies of those across Europe. I think there’s a strong possibility that it gets points from at least 90% of the countries. The performance of the song is also quite strong and, even without the political atmosphere on the continent, would likely be an easy Top Ten song. The only question is, even with sympathies from the juries and the voting public, will a rap song be able to garner enough points to win?
This is, I think, the strongest Swedish entry since Euphoria – and that is a stretch that includes a winner (2015) and five other Top Ten finishes. The song is strong. The staging is strong. The performance is strong. Any other year, we would already be looking to Göthenburg to fend off other contenders for hosting duties and at a very salty Irish delegation. However, with current events being what they are, and the seeming abandonment of Sweden by the televote the past few Contests, there is serious doubt as to whether this song can win supporters back to the Swedish side.
Spain has been my winner pick for a couple of weeks now. It’s contemporary, it’s fun in a year full of dull and uninspiring ballads, and the performance is nearly flawless. Spain has been pumping money and attention into its entries in increasing fashion in recent history and is hungry for its first win since the four-way tie in 1969. The biggest question is the inverse of Sweden’s: will juries provide the support needed for this song to win after years of shrugging off these kinds of performance-driven songs.
It would be foolish to suggest that current events will not boost Ukraine’s chances. Ukraine is a country that is already successful, give Europe a reason to increase its attention towards its entry and it seems like we can already write our ticket back to the country. However, I just do not think that song has wide enough appeal to get the consistent points it will need from jurors and televoters to win. Not to mention the folks who will refuse to vote on the basis of not wanting politics to interfere with the Contest. I think the political situation, though, harms Sweden the most. Sweden’s points totals will be eaten into by those wishing to instead cast their vote, not for the best song, but for Ukraine. Sweden, as a jury darling, tends to get prestige votes – people vote for it because they are “supposed” to since “It’s Sweden and they’re good at this!” As such, where Sweden would normally be getting 10s and 8s, it will suddenly be getting 4s and 5s.
Together, Ukraine strings together 5s, 6s, 7s, and 8s from across juries and televotes to get to second place. The fact that it is a rap song and that there will be those actively voting against it/not voting means it will be denied the slews of 12s that many are assuming it will get. Sweden is still buoyed by the juries, but loses points to Ukraine and Australia, meaning that it will have to rely on buoying from the televote. Leaving it to finish in third.
This means, yes, I am maintaining that Spain will win. This is not a song that would normally be getting those prestige points, meaning the people (jurors and the public) who normally vote for the contemporary, slick songs will continue to do so. Meaning that Spain will be able to string enough 6s, 7s, 8s, 10s together to finish second/third in both the televote and jury. If Sweden and Australia come at the top of the jury by modest margins, and a lopsided televote comes in for Norway, Spain comes out on top. This will not be unlike the Dutch path to victory in 2019, when Arcade got second in the televote and third in the juries. Time will tell.
I wish everyone a very Happy Eurovision! I’ll be here live blogging per usual. I look forward to hearing “the sound of beauty” and seeing just how everything shakes out at the Grand Final.
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ESC 2022 – Semi-Final Two
Hello Dear Readers!
Here we are, the Second Semi-Final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2022. Excited? So am I!! Tonight, we have 18 competitors.
Draw |
Country |
Artist |
Song |
01 |
Finland |
The Rasmus |
Jezebel |
02 |
Israel |
Michael Ben David |
I.M |
03 |
Serbia |
Konstrakta |
In Corpore Sano |
04 |
Azerbaijan |
Nadir Rustamli |
Fade to Black |
05 |
Georgia |
Circus Mircus |
Lock Me In |
06 |
Malta |
Emma Muscat |
I Am What I Am |
07 |
San Marino |
Achille Lauro |
Stripper |
08 |
Australia |
Sheldon Riley |
Not the Same |
09 |
Cyprus |
Andromache |
Ela |
10 |
Ireland |
Brooke |
That’s Rich |
11 |
North Macedonia |
Andrea |
Circles |
12 |
Estonia |
Stefan |
Hope |
13 |
Romania |
WRS |
Llámame |
14 |
Poland |
Ochman |
River |
15 |
Montenegro |
Vladana |
Breathe |
16 |
Belgium |
Jérémie Makiese |
Miss You |
17 |
Sweden |
Cornelia Jakobs |
Hold Me Closer |
18 |
Czech Republic |
We Are Domi |
Lights Off |
With the UK, Germany, and Spain voting.
Pre-Show Predictions:
Here are the ten songs that I think, before the show, will be qualifying tonight: (in no particular order)
-
Finland
-
Serbia
-
Georgia
-
Australia
-
Ireland
-
Estonia
-
Romania
-
Belgium
-
Sweden
Opening Act
This is terrible.
The lady’s outfit is better, but why does her hair look like she just got out of the shower?
Anyway, on the songs!
Finland
He sounds terrible. And this all looks so very, very creepy. A painful three minutes to get through. Still think it’s going to qualify.
Israel
As I’ve said before, he represents almost everything I hate about and that is wrong in the gay male community. I hate this song and everything it (and he) stand for. With that said… this beat is undeniable. And the choreography was tight! I hate that I don’t hate this.
Serbia
I quite like this song. This is how one should be doing a comedic entry. It was fantastically done and staged perfectly.
Azerbaijan
One of the most forgettable songs this year. Cannot say this is doing much. I can see the juries putting this through, but only barely. This is will be forgotten in about three minutes’ time.
Georgia
So, in talking to my friends from Britain and Australia, this is very much Brit pop. Tonight, it will have the full force of the Commonwealth behind it with UK, Australia, Ireland, Malta, and Cyprus all voting tonight. If it’s going to qualify, this is its chance to do so. He does look like Charlie grew up to become a cheap Willy Wonka.
Malta
I commend her for not relying on backing vocalists. And the song’s message is lovely. But her vocals were terrible. Her outfit was horrendous. This will not qualify, I think.
San Remo served as the inspiration upon which Eurovision was based. So, it actually has played a huge part in the history of Eurovision.
San Marino
I hate this song, mostly because it’s low quality and reeks of being controversial for controversy sake. Which is Achille Lauro’s whole brand. I can see that they are embracing the honk- tonk sound of the song with the cowboy outfit and bucking-bull-inspired apparatus. This was just insane. I hope it fails, but it may actually move through.
Australia
Where Israel was vain, hyper-sexual, and overall useless, this is is self-important, self-righteous, and very much “look at me because I’m a special, unique snowflake!” Another difference, Israel’s song is actually fun. This is just a dredge of song that drones on and on. Plus his outfit is horrid. The positives: His voice is amazing! This song about his autism, but you would never get that from this staging or anything about how he’s been presenting himself. It’s an easy qualifier thanks to the juries. So, expect to see it on Saturday.
Cyprus
This is underwhelming. Her vocals are not great, but worse than that, she has absolutely NO energy behind it. She’s whispering more than singing, not really moving much, just… a poor, poor presentation of a good song.
Ireland
This is should be an easy qualifier after what we’ve seen tonight. Sassy girl with so much energy! It was well presented and performed. One of the strongest songs tonight, by far.
North Macedonia
She sounds frightened. Poor girl, someone needs to give her a pep talk. She could have done so much better, but, I don’t see this moving through.
Estonia
This is my favorite song this year, but this is so low energy. The end was a bit nice, but he will need to turn things up on Saturday if he hopes to finish as high as this song deserves.
Romania
He looks like he’s 12. He didn’t look that young in videos I’ve seen. I think the choreography was very strong. I love the outfits. Not sure if it leaves much of an impression, but it does inject some much needed pep into things. Oh – and his vocals weren’t great, but kinda standard for this kind of song.
Poland
All this choreography, the dancers, the camerawork, the lightning effects — all of these things cheapen the song, not add to it. The costumes and his stage presence also just makes all of this come off as pretentious. An easy qualifier, but no winner.
Montenegro
Her voice is fantastic! The slight rework of the composition emphasizes this strength. Minus that lace halo, I love her outfit. The song is still boring as all get out, but she crushed the vocals.
Belgium
WOW. WOW. His voice. Stunning. I just wish he had a good song. I think this will get by on the strength of the performance alone. Just…wow.
Sweden
This is a winning song, with a winning performance. Sweden’s strongest song since Euphoria, I think. Just miles ahead of pretty much any song we’ve heard thus far. Just – yeah, if things were different, perhaps a runaway winner. But this year, things are…well, you know…real world stuff impacts Eurovision…
Czech Republic
Not the best vocals, but definitely not the worst. And she hit that big note at the end. I think this might actually defy expectations and move through. Her outfit is terrible, but this was good.
So, how would I rank the songs based on tonight alone?
18. Finland
17. North Macedonia
16. Australia
15. Azerbaijan
14. Malta
13. San Marino
12. Montenegro
11. Cyprus
10. Poland
9. Israel
8. Ireland
7. Czech Republic
6. Estonia
5. Romania
4. Georgia
3. Serbia
2. Belgium
1. Sweden
But, who do I think will qualify?
Definitely qualifying: Sweden, Serbia, Poland
Likely to qualify: Australia, Czech Republic, Ireland, Estonia
Coin Flips: Belgium, Israel, San Marino
Interval Act
The duet with Mika and the lady host was terrible.
Il Volo! They were the third place finishers in 2015 and won the televote. Grande Amore was in Italian back then, though. I think they should have kept it in Italian. Otherwise, this is stunning! Just as good as it was seven years ago.
Auto-Qualifiers
Spain – Is she wearing the same thing as Romania? Haha I can barely hear her voice, but this is definitely contending for the win.
United Kingdom – It’s fine, but is it a winner? Not too sure. I look forward to seeing the full thing.
Germany – Definitely sounds and looks a lot better than anticipated.
Our Qualifiers
Here we go…
Belgium (1 for 1)
Czech Republic (2 for 2)
Azerbaijan! (2 for 3)
Poland (3 for 4)
Finland (3 for 5) — I cannot see San Marino moving through now
Estonia (4 for 6)
Australia (5 for 7)
Sweden (6 for 8)
Romania (6 for 9) so, Ireland and Israel are being left behind
Serbia (7 for 10)
I’m very happy to have been wrong about San Marino and Israel. They were bad songs with strong performances and stagings. The only *real* shock is Azerbaijan. That had to be buoyed by juries. I am intrigued to see how it performs on Saturday. Check back tomorrow for my final predictions and pre-show notes.
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ESC 2022 – Semi-Final One
Hello Dear Readers!
Here we are, the first show of Eurovision 2022! The first semi-final is here. We’re live in Turin. Well, I’m not in Turin, but the Contest is. Need context? ESC 2022 – Write-ups! Here is our running order:
Draw |
Country |
Artist |
Song |
01 |
Albania |
Ronela Hajati |
Sekret |
02 |
Latvia |
Citi Zēni |
Eat Your Salad |
03 |
Lithuania |
Monika Liu |
Sentimentai |
04 |
Switzerland |
Marius Bear |
Boys Do Cry |
05 |
Slovenia |
LPS |
Disko |
06 |
Ukraine |
Kalush Orchestra |
Stefania |
07 |
Bulgaria |
Intelligent Music Project |
Intention |
08 |
Netherlands |
S10 |
De diepte |
09 |
Moldova |
Zdob și Zdub and Advahov Brothers |
Trenulețul |
10 |
Portugal |
Maro |
Saudade, Saudade |
11 |
Croatia |
Mia Dimšić |
Guilty Pleasure |
12 |
Denmark |
Reddi |
The Show |
13 |
Austria |
Lumix feat. Pia Maria |
Halo |
14 |
Iceland |
Systur |
Með Hækkandi Sól |
15 |
Greece |
Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord |
Die Together |
16 |
Norway |
Subwoolfer |
Give That Wolf a Banana |
17 |
Armenia |
Rosa Linn |
Snap |
Before we get started, I’ll quickly go through predictions. I think our ten finalists will be: (in no particular order)
-
Albania
-
Switzerland
-
Ukraine
-
Netherlands
-
Moldova
-
Denmark
-
Austria
-
Iceland
-
Greece
-
Norway
Opening Act
This is fine, I guess. It just keeps going on and on, though, doesn’t it? I really wish hosts would stop making theme songs for their Contests. Our hosts….cool. I can see they will be the standard corny, let’s try to be funny with “dad humor” types. Here’s a positive, they seem to be saving the reprise of ZITTI E BUONI for the Grand Final.
AND WE’RE OFF!
Albania
WHAT IS SHE WEARING?!?! She missed the big note…badly. I like her dancers, I guess. That was not great though. High energy; that’s a positive.
Latvia
Ugh. These guys are even more smug and gross than I thought they were going to be. Watching this makes me want to go eat a steak while riding in a monster truck. The positives: the composition is great and the lights are fun. OH GOD! They’re attempting to have another Epic Sax Guy moment.
Lithuania
So, the first song that I like on the night. Let’s see how it goes.
She’s so cool! I wish I had this kind of confidence. I love this song and she performed the heck out of it. It’s not going to qualify, but I love the effort! Weird ending, though.
I like these postcards. Highlight the beauty of the country while also highlighting the beauty of the performing artists. I also really, really like how they light up the stage in the flag colors in the shape of the logo.
Switzerland
I have always found this song kind of boring. HIs voice is amazing, though! I think this the type of song that everyone assumes will just suck up all the jury points. It likely will and will again in the Final. This could somehow find itself in the Top Ten (think Australia 2017).
Slovenia
Another song I quite like. And that has no chance of qualifying. But oh my god, are they ADORABLE! Especially that smile he gave at the end of the bridge. Just melted my heart. I want to buy the chocolate bars they’re selling so that their soccer team can go to the tournament. Awwwww.
Ukraine
This is much better than anticipated. I don’t think anyone doubted their qualification, but it will definitely uphold Ukraine’s 100% qualification streak. Not much more to add other than that.
This epic announcer guy is great, haha
Bulgaria
Denmark will bring the mom rock, Bulgaria is bring the dad rock. I mean, these guys are musicians. No one doubts that. But the song is awful. Probably last place tonight.
The Netherlands
One of my favorite songs this year. Glad to hear the audience singing along. What is she wearing?? It looks like her costumer had an accident while making her top and she lost her shoes, so she’s stuck in these sneakers. With that said, I otherwise quite enjoy the staging. Especially the first third that made it look like she was floating in a wide expanse of nothingness. I enjoyed her vocal performance, the roughness conveyed the emotion of the song.
Moldova
This song needs thousands upon thousands of bolts of energy. This is 500 at best. It’s hard to get through, if I’m being honest, especially with how repetitive it is. They just seem tired. Gone are the glory days of 2005 and 2011.
Portugal
I love this song. I appreciate honoring the contribution of her backing vocalists. But I think it would be more powerful if she were alone on stage and they appeared far in the distance behind her. And the camera would go in and out of focus between them. I also think there is way too much slick camera work for a song about utterly devastating despair.
Croatia
An ode for adulatory. The positives: her dress is beautiful and that lead male dancer is incredibly attractive! Nice addition to add a verse in Croatian. Still a terrible message, though. A very pretty entry, though. Like a music box come alive.
Denmark
Woo! Gå Danmark! With that said, part of the charm of this song was the fact that these were ladies who looked middle-aged and that fit with the song. Now they look like they’re grasping on to fleeting youth, which is the direct opposite of the song’s message. With that said, it’s still a good song and the strongest rock entry tonight. It should get through.
Austria
The audience seems to be getting into this. But I think this is a mess! She sounded bad throughout the entire song and WAY botched her note. This should have been an easy qualifier, and now, I think it will be left behind.
Iceland
Meanwhile, a song that most have written off is showing why sometimes, less is more. This is glorious. It looks and sounds like they just got here from the 1970s and wanted to sing us a nice song about sisterhood and keeping the faith. I think this was the most complete package we have had thus far.
Greece
I knew this was going to be good, but my God! The staging, her vocals, the camerawork — everything about this song was amazing. I know I said that it didn’t have what it took to win, but now I’m contemplating changing my mind. This could make real moves.
Norway
This song is so ridiculous. But give it to Subwoolfer, they are doing a flawless job. Perfect vocals, perfect choreography, perfect visuals. Easy qualifier, easy Top Ten finisher.
Armenia
Oh no! She almost didn’t tear down that fake wall. Her voice was better than anticipated, but I wonder why they made such a young person look so old. Poorly staged, but a rather pleasant song.
So, how do I rate the songs from tonight?
17. Austria
16. Moldova
15. Albania
14. Bulgaria
13. Latvia
12. Armenia
11. Croatia
10. Switzerland
9. Ukraine
8. Denmark
7. Portugal
6. The Netherlands
5. Norway
4. Lithuania
3. Slovenia
2. Iceland
1. Greece
But, more importantly, who do I think will qualify?
Well, there are different levels:
Definite qualifiers: Ukraine, Norway, Greece, The Netherlands
Probably Qualifiers: Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland
Potential Qualifiers: Portugal, Armenia
Coin Toss: Moldova
Intervals
I think the dance thing was quite nice. But unnecessary. Meanwhile, I think it is awesome that invited Diodato to come perform his 2020 entry Fai Rumore. I still am not a big fan of the song, but it took a much bigger meaning during the pandemic and I think it is wise and in good taste to honor that bigger contribution the song made to the world. The staging is a bit much, but I’ll give it a pass.
Our Auto-Qualifiers
I’ll come back and add complete thoughts when I have the chance to watch the full clips. But tonight we have France (which won our ESC Tourney 2022) with its Satanic hymn. And Italy with its queer-bait anthem. France sounds as expected but Italy sounds terrible. Not really looking forward to the full clip of either.
Qualifiers
HERE WE GO!
Switzerland! (1 for 1)
Armenia (2 for 2)
Iceland (3 for 3)
Lithuania!!!! Joy of joys! (3 for 4)
Portugal (4 for 5)
Norway (5 for 6)
Greece (6 for 7)
Ukraine (7 for 8)
Moldova! (8 for 9)
and…finally….
The Netherlands (9 for 10)
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